Wolf's Eye Read online

  Cieran smiled at me, making his face look much younger. “Thank you. I know that I have not explained very much, but I only see glimpses…” I understood. It was difficult to describe things you had Seen, to other people. Sometimes, it even sounded foolish.

  “Now, I will give you the warning. It may seem like common sense, but when you go into the Forest, do not talk to strangers or leave the path.” I looked at him curiously. My mother had told me the same thing over and over again as a child. Hearing it over ten years later felt very strange.

  “All right. I know what sort of creatures live in the Forest. I grew up there.”

  “I grew up in Amendyr, too.” I studied Cieran closely, trying to see if I could detect any Amendyri in his appearance. He looked like a pureblooded Serian. “My parents knew that I was magical from a young age and had no idea what to do with me. They sent me to some acquaintances in Kalmarin. That is where I met my wife, Cassandra.”

  I smiled, glad that we had more in common. “I have always wanted to see Kalmarin. What is it like?” The great walled city on the cliffs was the capital of Amendyr and the most magical human city in the world. It rested along the southern coast, watching the sea from its high perch.

  “I have not been there for many years. It is hard to travel to Amendyr these days. But I have a feeling that you will see it for yourself someday, Miss Cate. Now, I need to give you my blessing. Let me be the first to wish you every happiness and joy for what you will find.”

  I was surprised. “Happiness and joy for what?” I asked, hoping that he would tell me more.

  Cieran’s eyes were half-lowered. He would not explain, but I guessed he knew more than he was telling. “I cannot read every detail of your future, Cate. You have to live it yourself.”

  I would have asked him more, but a silhouette appeared in the doorway behind Cieran’s head and I saw Ellie motioning me over. “Cate, are you out here? Come look!” she said in a loud, excited whisper. Then, she noticed Cieran. “Oh, hello, Cieran. I just wanted to show Cate something. Do you mind if I – ”

  “Of course not, my dear,” said Cieran, stroking his small black beard. “Take her inside. Your friend Cate and I were just discussing her journey to Amendyr.”

  Cieran took my arm and passed me over to Ellie, who hurried me back inside with a gentle but insistent hand. “There, Cate, see?” she said, pointing to the crowded dance floor. As a fat man with a monocle moved to the right, I saw Prince Brendan with a girl in his arms.

  I turned back to Ellie. “What did you want me to see?”

  “No, look closer.” I tried to reclaim my sleeve from Ellie’s persistent tugging. Prince Brendan twirled his partner and I recognized Sarah’s face. With her hair up and a beautiful dress, I had not recognized her until I saw her from the front. I was speechless.

  Ellie was not. “She looks beautiful!” she cooed. Because she could not tug my sleeve, she squeezed my hand instead. I let her. “Sarah always said she wanted to dance with the Prince.”

  She did seem to be having a wonderful time. Her face was glowing as she looked up at him and her eyes were filled with stars. I knew that look. Another impossible romance… although Ellie and Belladonna somehow managed it.

  I noticed the scandalized faces of the noblewomen surrounding them. A few started whispering to each other. They looked like a group of fat hens, clucking and bobbing their heads. “Which is more offensive?” I asked in a soft voice, so that only Ellie could hear, “a servant falling in love with a Prince, or two noblewomen who happen to be stepsisters falling in love with each other?”

  “The stepsisters,” Ellie whispered back. “Besides, I was a commoner before my father married Lady Kingsclere.”

  “But you were a rich commoner,” I argued. “You were almost a noble.”

  “Blood means a lot to these people.”

  “You grew up on your own estate, with your own horses and parties and family heirlooms, and even a pianoforte.”

  Ellie tossed her hair. “Fine, but Sarah is in love with a man, at least.” A shadow crossed Ellie’s face that I almost missed. I studied her thoughtfully. I knew that Sarah had shared Belladonna’s bed before. Ellie seemed very pleased that Sarah was interested in someone else. She could be very possessive about her wife.

  “Belladonna is in love with you,” I said. The name felt strange in my mouth without putting a ‘Miss’ in front of it. Technically, I was still her servant, even though I was their guest at a fancy dinner party. “Besides, Sarah would never try and steal her friend’s lover.”

  Ellie sighed, brushing aside a strand of golden hair that spilled across her cheek. “I know. Sarah is harmless, except when she gossips and snoops.” I snorted, remembered that I was at a party, and quickly looked around to see if anyone had noticed. No one seemed to be paying attention to us. I was relieved.

  “You know,” I suggested, looking around the room for Belladonna, “maybe you two could go out on that balcony. You can still hear the music out there.” I spotted her on the other side of the room, talking to a tall man with gray hair. She had an unpleasant expression on her face. I gave Ellie a little shove. “Go.”

  Smiling again, Ellie took my advice and went over to Belladonna without any more encouragement. They spoke for a moment, leaving the gray-haired man alone as Ellie led Belladonna out onto the balcony that I had just left. Both of their faces were slightly flushed.

  Slowly, I made my way over to the double doors. Making sure that no one was watching, I peered through the crack. Ellie was tucked in Belladonna’s arms and her cheek was resting on her dark-haired lover’s shoulder. Belladonna’s hands were on Ellie’s waist. The music struck up again inside and they started dancing. I backed away and turned back to the crowd inside, not wanting to intrude on their privacy.

  The image of the lovely couple lingered with me as I stood in front of the door to make sure that no one disturbed them. Ellie always said Belladonna was an excellent dancer and that she wished they could be partners when they received invitations to balls and parties. A piece of me felt lighter when I realized that I was giving them that special moment. Ellie and Belladonna were very lucky. I could only hope that Sarah’s ill-fated romance escaped disaster, too.

  …

  Chapter Three:

  Breakfast was delicious, but the trip home was miserable. Long carriage rides made Sarah sick. She had been ill on the way here, but was determined to see the race. On the way back, heartbroken after leaving the Prince and with nothing to look forward to, she felt even worse.

  Since we were so many, Sarah, Ellie, Belladonna, and I were squeezed together in the back of the carriage. Belladonna sat on the far right. Ellie was practically on Belladonna’s lap, but she did not seem to mind. Sarah was near the left door, so that she could make a quick exit if she needed to. I was in between her and Ellie.

  Lady Kingsclere volunteered to sit up front with Matthew. It was a little undignified and certainly unconventional, but Lady Kingsclere had been much more relaxed lately. I was glad for her. I was also glad that I did not have to sit up front. Sarah’s stomach would not handle it and Ellie and Belladonna hated to sit apart.

  Something else good happened while we were passing Whitechapel. Ellie started looking secretive, pressing her lips together and shifting in her seat. Since I was on her left, this made me shift as well. “Ellie, what is it?” I asked, nudging her leg with mine.

  “I have a surprise for you,” she said.

  I looked at her hands stupidly, like a magical box would appear in them. “A surprise? What kind of surprise?”

  Ellie smiled. She had a sweet smile and a pretty pink mouth that made her look charming and innocent. Ellie had a touch of farm girl in her, even though she was a Kingsclere now. “A helpful surprise.” Ellie paused for effect. I let her have her moment. “I talked to Prince Brendan today.”

  Hearing the Prince’s name, Sarah looked up from the small metal bucket that she had been staring into. Thinking ahead, Ellie borrow
ed one from the palace for the journey home. “What about Prince Brendan?” she said loudly.

  Belladonna, who had fallen asleep against the carriage window, opened her eyes. “Why are you all yelling?” she asked sleepily.

  “Go back to sleep, dear heart,” Ellie said, stroking Belladonna’s dark hair and kissing her forehead. Belladonna’s mouth twitched into a smile and she rested her head back on the seat.

  “I still want to know what my surprise is.”

  “What were you saying about the Prince?”

  Ellie was busy stroking Belladonna’s face with her soft hand. She drew a finger over one thin eyebrow. “Mm, what?”

  “The surprise,” I said.

  “Oh, I asked Prince Brendan to grant you official Serian citizenship papers before your trip. I know that any you might have had were lost long ago. And I got a copy of your Amendyri citizenship papers. They were in the old records, so that probably means your mother applied for citizenship years ago. Her death might have stopped the process.”

  Sarah tried to look pleased, even though her face was green. “That’s good news, Cate. So, you’re really going to do it? Go to Amendyr?”

  I nodded. “Yes. I am.”

  “Isn’t it dange-” Sarah started. But the carriage hit a bump and she had to stick her head back in the bucket. Ellie and I winced at the choking and groaning noises.

  “I also got you a personal letter from the Prince,” she said to distract us both. Sarah surfaced again, looking very pale. Her lips were wet and her eyes were dull. “That should help you cross any border.”

  “It was nice of you to ask,” I told Ellie. “Thank you.”

  “Prince Brendan was glad to do it,” she said modestly.

  Sarah looked back at us. Her face was a little brighter. “He is very kind, isn’t he?” she said. “Not the kind of person who would ignore other people’s feelings.” She seemed to be saying this last part to herself. Ellie caught my eye, seeming confused. I realized that she did not know how serious Sarah’s feelings were.

  “She’s in love,” I mouthed with my head turned away from Sarah.

  Ellie looked excited, horrified, and then concerned over three seconds. Finally, her expression settled on hopeful. “No, Prince Brendan is a very honest person,” Ellie said.

  “He seems to say what he means whenever I speak with him.”

  That made Sarah even more cheerful. I lowered my head. Ellie knew the Prince better than I did. I had only said a few words to him. He interviewed me after Luciana’s plot was uncovered, I offered him tea once, and we said quick hellos when we saw each other after that. My hellos included a curtsey and a “Your Majesty,” but he had not been conceited about it.

  “He does seem nice,” I admitted. “Just…”

  “From a different world,” Sarah finished my thought. “I know.”

  “All of us are from different worlds,” said Ellie. “Fate has a curious way of twisting people’s lives together.”

  It certainly did. A year ago, I never would have imagined having friends, let alone meeting a Prince and visiting the royal palace. A relationship between Belladonna and Ellie was too far-fetched even for a dream. But here they were, sitting next to each other. Ellie’s hand was resting in Belladonna’s lap. Maybe in another year, I would look back and wonder why I ever doubted that Sarah could capture the heart of a Prince.

  I tried to remember what the Prince’s face had looked like when they danced. I could only recall that he was smiling. Maybe I should worry less about Sarah, I thought. She was more experienced with relationships than I was. Ellie would know just what to say to her, no matter what the result of the disastrous romance turned out to be. I decided to let her make her own choices. I just hoped those choices would not turn in to mistakes.

  …

  That night, I dreamed. The dream was of running, running through the tall grass. The forest was alive with sunlight, pale golden beams of it. They danced over the dead brown leaves and the dust in the road. But I did not follow the road. I wove through trees, and a twin shadow wove beside me and everything was right and good.

  I left the dream slowly. First the sunlight went away, then the trees, and finally the twin shadow. I strained to see closer, but the two dark eyes of the face – it was not a human face – were already beginning to disappear. I was left alone, curled into a ball on my new mattress. It was too soft, but I would never tell Ellie. She had spent so much time trying to make my room comfortable. Compensation for the miserable broom closet we were forced to share as servants.

  The air was cold, but I did not want to relight the fire. Baxstresse was always cold at night. Cold lived in the stone walls and the gray floors. Sometimes, I wondered if the cold was really there or only in my heart.

  Remembering the dream, I thought of Ellie. We were both Ariada . She would understand when I explained that the road and the trees and those eyes were waiting. They were real.

  My Sight did not come every day or even every week. Sometimes, I would forget about my magical blood and pretend that I was like everyone else. Not every member of my family was cursed with the Sight, although my mother had Seen and so had my grandmother. But my mother was dead and my grandmother, as far as I knew, was still in Amendyr. She was one of the reasons I wanted to go back.

  I pulled my thin arms through the sleeves of my nightgown, sitting up in bed and searching for my slippers with my feet. When I was dressed, I left the lonely bedroom and the unlit fireplace behind, going up the servants’ stairway to the second floor of the manor to find Ellie.

  Because I had gone to bed after supper, I did not expect Ellie to be asleep. She was probably writing by candlelight, scratching things in her journal. Belladonna became her lover because of a journal, Ellie told me, and so she wanted to write one herself.

  I passed the stained glass windows that lined the second floor hallway. St. Eugiers stared down his nose at me, his golden sword raised to behead a great, coiling black dragon. The Serians were obsessed with their Saints and their rules. What to do and not to do was chiseled in stone. In Amendyr, we worshipped the Maker – the Serians called him God – in much simpler ways.

  I passed the colored window with a glance, staying far to the right side of the wall so that I would not walk near the library door. Ellie loved it, but the library had never been one of my favorite places to visit. It held bad memories. That was where Luciana… I forced the old pain down and passed the doors quickly.

  When I reached Ellie and Belladonna’s room, I paused, listening. I could hear soft cries beyond the doorway and hushed voices. Wondering why my friend was crying, I pushed the door open and looked inside. What I saw made me gasp and step back, nearly losing my balance. Ellie was crying, but in ecstasy. Her head was thrown back, with her golden hair tossed over the pillows. She was sobbing openly as Belladonna, whose body covered most of Ellie’s nakedness, touched her. A long, thin hand worked between her legs with steady, rocking thrusts.

  My face grew hot. I tried to turn away, but I was entranced. My only sexual experiences had been forced on me. Thinking about Luciana still made me dizzy and sick with fear. But the intense connection I was watching felt so different than what I had endured. I was not sure what I expected lovemaking to look like, but it was not this. I could plainly see the need in Ellie’s flushed face and in the strained muscles of Belladonna’s shoulders.

  They were speaking to each other, sometimes barely breathing the words, sometimes nearly screaming them. Belle called Ellie her rose, her sweet girl. “Let me have you,” she coaxed.

  Ellie whispered, “I love you.” Those three words brought the end crashing down. With twin cries, they shuddered and collapsed into each other, still joined, breathing heavily. The sheets were wrapped around their legs, binding them together. Two halves of one soul. I backed out of the doorway as fast as I could and ran, too embarrassed and awestruck to remember why I had come. The dream was pushed to the back of my mind, but only for the moment. I was consumed
with what I had seen.

  Back in my room, I could not un-see the private moment. A small part of me felt guilty for witnessing something so personal. I was ashamed and fascinated. They looked beautiful. I raised a hand to my face and my fingers came away wet. I had not realized that I was crying.

  And then I had a startling thought. I wanted that, too. Not with Belle or Ellie, but with someone else. Someone of my own. Someone who was waiting for me. For the first time in my life, I dared to imagine a lover.

  Now I could begin to dream again. Maybe even hope for something more in my life. Something like what I had just witnessed. Once, many months ago, I told Ellie that I could never bear to let anyone else touch me. Now, I was not sure. She had been a servant then. I remembered how she took me in her arms and told me that I was not abnormal or damaged. She held me until I fell back asleep that night. But only now, sitting on my bed after watching my best friend and her lover, did I start to believe her words.

  Tuathe. Two-souls. Really, just one soul in two parts, two bodies. I had not believed in that since I was a child, listening to fairy-stories. With my parents gone and Luciana tormenting me, how could I think about another half? Now, I had seen Tuathe for myself. Ellie and Belle were something more than ordinary lovers.

  And I craved. I hungered for that connection. I longed to be whole.

  But I was afraid. What if I had no other half? What if I found my other-heart and then lost her? I thought that it would be a ‘her’, but how would I know? I had so many questions. I wanted to talk to Ellie, but just thinking about her made me feel embarrassed. I had seen her naked. Emotionally naked, not just physically bare. I had witnessed something so private, intimate, beautiful. I did not want to intrude even more.

  …

  Chapter Four:

  Leaving Baxstresse was not as heartbreaking as I expected. My friends woke before first light to see me off. The morning was cold, but the sun was rising quickly and soon a golden blanket would cover the grass and drive away the chill. Summer had not left yet and the fields were still tall. I realized, a little sadly, that I would not be here to see the harvest.